


Stranded On A Strange Planet With An Honest Vulcan

by Moonbeam (luvsbitca)



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Bonding, Christmas, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Injured Spock, K/S Advent, K/S Advent Calendar, K/S Advent Calendar 2016, M/M, Mind Meld, stranded on a planet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-10 21:44:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8940556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luvsbitca/pseuds/Moonbeam
Summary: Kirk and Spock are transporting down to a diplomatic mission on a planet when they get stranded instead on an wintery, snow-covered planet. Spock is seriously injured and something on the planet is affecting his ability to filter what he says. Kirk isn't sure if he's ready for all of the honesty he's hearing from Spock even if they are in a relationship.Written for the KSAdvent at LJ





	

**Stranded On A Strange Planet With An Honest Vulcan**  
by Moonbeam

**/ / / The Mistake \ \ \**

Kirk landed on the planet with a thud. His knees ached from the landing and he had to close his eyes against the unexpected glare. He wrapped his arms around himself tightly to fight off the cold that blasted at him with the wind. "Spock? What happened?"

There was only silence in response. Kirk opened his eyes, groaned, but forced them to remain open as he looked to the left. There was nothing there. No Spock, no ground, nothing. He blinked his eyes to try and stop them watering from the wind and glare as he crept to the left. He looked over the ledge and down to where he could see the bright blue shirt and black pants of Spock lying motionless below him. He wanted to rush down to Spock immediately but they were not supposed to be on an ice planet. They were transporting down to Iklitä IV for a conference with several other Starfleet nations. Spock was acting as emissary for the Vulcans and Kirk was one of three Starfleet Captains in attendance. They should have arrived in a formal transporter room to be met by the Grand High Emperor of Iklitä not on a planet blanketed in snow. When the report made it to the Enterprise that they had not arrived, the crew would begin to search for them and Kirk did not want to leave this high plain without giving any rescuers a sign as to where he was. However, there was nothing at hand for a signal and Kirk could not risk the time it would take to walk to the edge of the forest – some 700m away from the edge of the cliff and Spock. He would have to come back when he had made sure that Spock was still alive. He walked along the ledge until he came to a steep incline down. As he began crawling down the incline on his backside – cold snow soaking his uniform, all he could hear was the roar of the ocean – a slightly orange coloured ocean to match the sienna sky above his head. There were very few clouds in the sky and he had to be thankful that it was not currently snowing.

Kirk refused to think about the possibility of Spock lying dead, or dying, while he slowly made his way to his First Officer, his Vulcan, his…the love of his life. And Kirk hadn't even told him that last part yet. He couldn't lose Spock now, not when he'd only just admitted to himself that even though he was scared that Spock might leave him one day that wouldn't change the fact that James Tiberius Kirk loved Spock more than he loved anything – even the Enterprise, and Kirk hadn't thought he would ever be able to love something more than he loved his ship. Kirk refused to even think it might be a dead first officer and boyfriend that he was making his way to. He got to the end of the incline only to find himself sinking into a slush of sand and snow. He could feel the cold seeping into his boots but he fought his way to Spock, lifting his knees high, chest burning from the cold air.

His eyes kept darting back towards Spock but he couldn't just stare at the Vulcan for fear of killing himself on one of the many rocks that was jutting out of the sand. Finally he made it to Spock, his leg covered in green blood where it was pressed against one of the rocks. He immediately pressed his hand to Spock's side and swore in happiness when he felt the steady, reassuring thump of Spock's irregular heartbeat. He dropped his head down, pressing his forehead to Spock's shoulder. He took three deep, reassuring breaths, and then pulled away and pressed his hand to Spock's cheek. The Vulcan was obviously unconscious but Kirk had no idea how to tell if it was a Vulcan Healing Trance or he was actually unconscious. Kirk felt completely useless so he pulled out his communicator and tried to contact the Enterprise.

**/ / / The Fall \ \ \**

Spock's last sight was Jim, back straight, standing on the transporter pad ready to travel down to Iklitä IV for the conference. The next thing he knew was cold and the sudden flash of scenery before the world went black as he landed.

_Six months earlier…  
Spock stopped next to the Captain's chair and waited patiently for Kirk to finish reading the information on his PADD. _

_"Yes, Commander?"_

_"Would you be interested in a chess match with me after dinner this evening?"_

_Jim smiled at him. "That sounds good, Spock, but we always play chess after this shift."_

_Spock inclined his head. "I would also appreciate your company at a dinner in my quarters."_

_Jim looked at him with a little frown between his eyes but then he nodded. "That sounds fine."_

_"2000 hours?"_

_"I will be there."_

_"I have submitted a report on the experiments completed three days ago by my secondary research team."_

_Jim paused for a moment and then nodded. "I will have a read."_

_"Captain." Spock turned and returned to his station._

_That night, over dinner, he laid out his proposal._

_"Captain, I would like to propose that we alter the parameters of our relationship."_

_"To what?"_

_"I propose a romantic and sexual relationship of a monogamous nature."_

_Jim put down his fork and stared at Spock for a few moments._

_"Captain?" Spock asked after a few moments._

_"Please don't call me Captain when you're offering to…have sex with me? Date me? What?"_

_"I believe the term date would be appropriate for this evening if you are amenable to my proposal."_

_"What is your proposal exactly?"_

_"That we spend time together alone for the purpose of getting to know one another better, partake in mutually beneficial activities, partake in activities important to the other regardless of our own preferences, explore a sexual relationship to the sexual interests that we have in common with the possibility of 'trying out' the interests of one another. That we support one another in personal and professional arenas."_

_"So…dating."_

_"If that is the label you are most comfortable with then I am amenable to it."_

_"Is it the term you would use?"_

_"The Vulcan term that I am contemplating will not be valid until we have had time to test out my proposal for its ongoing amenability for us both."_

_"This is the oddest request for a date I've ever experienced."_

_"You will find, Captain, that-"_

_"Jim," Jim interrupted. "I need you to call me Jim when we're not working."_

_"I am willing to make that alteration to my behaviour for you, Jim."_

_"Thank you."_

_"As I was saying, you will find, Jim, that if you agree to my proposal a relationship with a Vulcan will be a relationship unlike any you have thus far experienced."_

_"I bet."_

_"Would you care to move to the chess board now, Jim?"_

_"What about my answer?"_

_"I assumed you would require time to assimilate my request and proposal and weigh up the positive and negative ramifications before providing me with your decision."_

_Jim smiled at him brightly. "I don't need to weigh up the pros and cons of a relationship I have been thinking about for some time. But you are right – I don't quite know what to do with the proposal. So, let's play chess and finish our first date."_

_"Are you quite certain that this is the course you would like to take, Jim?"_

_Jim reached out one hand, holding out two fingers in a V shape and Spock was reassured at the signal that Jim knew him, and Vulcans , well enough to know that this had meaning for him. He held out his fingers and pressed them to Jim's – their first kiss._

Now…  
Spock could sense that his body was cold. He knew he was not conscious but he could tell that he was injured and cold. He struggled to consciousness – sensing warmth along one side of his body. The next thing he knew was pain – his head on the back and to the left, his left shoulder, left leg and across most of his back. He heard the voice next – talking to him about…communicator frequencies. But he knew the voice.

"J…Jim?"

The warmth suddenly left him and he jostled. He couldn't hold back the groan.

"Sorry, Spock, you're awake?"

Spock wasn't quite 'awake' in the human way but he was close to consciousness.

"I am close."

"Vulcan thing, right, you're injured, try not to move. Something went wrong with the transport down to Iklitä IV and we ended up here. It's not snowing at the moment but the ground is covered in it. I know you're lying in snow and sand but I couldn't move you until you woke up."

"Wise decision. The Enterprise will be searching for us when I failed to report in."

"The government of Iklitä IV will question where we are."

"They should," Spock agreed, his eyes suddenly showing green light through his eyelids. He blinked them, testing out his control of the muscles and then opened them, looking up at a burnt sienna sky and Jim Kirk who looked cold and worried. "However, I have implemented a protocol for the second in command on any mission that you take away from the Enterprise."

"What protocol?"

"Regular communication intervals of twenty-two minutes."

"Why?"

"Statistics. If you are a member of a mission away from the Enterprise the statistics of negative consequences for the ship and crew should something happen to you are higher than a mission with any other member. As such, I instigated this process to ensure that the smallest increment of time possible will pass before we are able to begin searching."

"Why don't I know about this?"

Spock moved his head from left to right, increasing the angle from the centre incrementally to test for spinal cord injuries as he answered. "You have ignored Starfleet regulations which limit the off ship movements of Captains. I believe this is in the best interests of the Enterprise, her Captain, and her crew and as the Enterprise's First Officer I do what is needed for the Enterprise to run optimally."

Jim looked annoyed. "What are you doing?"

"Testing for a spinal injury."

"What can I do?"

"What have you done since we arrived?"

"I found you," Jim said, smoothing a cool hand down one side of Spock's cheek. Spock leaned into the touch.

"Where were you transported?"

"The cliff above us," Kirk said, pointing up the jagged blue-tinged rocks to where he had landed. "There was a forest about 700m inland but I didn't investigate because I needed to be sure you were okay. When I got down here you were unconscious so I've been with you since. I have been trying to contact the Enterprise but I've been through all of the frequencies and had no luck."

"You need to investigate the forest." Spock moved his toes inside his boots – moving each toe in turn to make sure no damage had been done to his lower spinal cord. "We are going to need a heat source and food."

"I know."

"And I am now awake."

"There is a cave 300m down the beach – I'm not sure if the tide rises high enough to flood it but there is a shelf towards the back of the cave that should give us some protection."

"Then we need wood and something to eat."

"Never thought this would be the way I would celebrate a white Christmas again," Jim mused as he began checking his small pack.

"I do not see the allure of a 'white Christmas' to some humans."

"That's because you don't celebrate Christmas."

"Negative," Spock corrected, cataloguing the various lacerations he could feel on his left leg below the knee – seven. "My family has observed the Earth cultural festival of Christmas since my birth as a means of cultural inclusion and ideology exchange."

Jim smiled down at him. "You mean your mum wanted to celebrate Christmas?"

"Affirmative."

"And all the other stuff is your Vulcan way of explaining an illogical Earth holiday."

"I also investigated the traditions of Hanukkah, Ramadan, Kwanzaa, Rosh Hashanah, Chinese New Year, Japanese New Year, Passover, Easter, and Día de Muertos among others."

"I bet."

"However, Christmas was the only time when my mother would forego all Vulcan limitations and act as illogically as she desired."

"I'm sorry I never got to know her," Jim said, voice soft in the human way that told Spock he was being empathetic to Spock's loss. Spock again contemplated the instigation of a marriage bond with his Captain but he knew how hesitant the human was over commitment and the prospect of _forever_. He would wait until Jim gave him some indication of his acceptance of their permanence before he suggested it – it was the most logical course of action.

"Christmas fell during the Old Vulcan's High Summer, and I have only celebrated the cultural holiday in hot conditions."

"Christmas shouldn't be hot."

"I disagree."

"Yes, but you're Vulcan," Kirk said. "Only some of the crew celebrate Christmas but everyone knows it should be snowing and cold."

"More people of Earth experience the festivals at this time of year in hot conditions to cold ones."

Kirk thought about that for a moment and then nodded slowly. "You're right I suppose, but I've only ever celebrated in Iowa and we got a lot of snow that time of year."

"I am aware."

"You know, Scotty has plans to turn one of the engineering bays into a summer oasis and the other into a winter wonderland for people to celebrate their cultural holiday of choice."

Spock nodded. "He sent me his plans for my approval as Chief Science Officer."

"And you think the summer engineering bay will be more popular than the winter one?"

"I would think that, given the heritage of the Enterprise's crew, there would be 62.598 per cent of the crew who would use the summer engineering bays over the winter ones."

"I'm going to check the stats after it's all over."

"As will I, Jim."

"How badly are you injured?"

"I will survive should we obtain heat, food, and water to get through the night that will descend in…I need more data to determine the rate of descent of the sun."

"Are you sure that you're going to be okay?"

Spock nodded. "I will remain here until your return and then we will move to the cave."

"I don't like leaving you."

"What is necessary is not always desired."

"You said logic, I heard – you don't want me to leave either."

Spock tilted his head to the side and once again contemplated the changes to their relationship that would occur when he and James T. Kirk instigated a betrothal bond.

"But you're right," Jim continued. "I will be back as soon as I can. Where is your communicator?"

Spock cut himself off from the pain receptors in the left side of his body and pulled out his communicator. Jim nodded once and stood, walking three steps away and then rushing back to press his warm lips against Spock's cold ones. Spock watched Jim walk away from him and then rested his head back against the rock. He closed his eyes and slid into a Healing Trance. Time passed but Spock was unaware, locked in his mind meditating as all of his body's resources were directed to the injury on his left which had a 74.386 per cent probability of resulting in function impairing blood loss with a 62.54 per cent probability of an alien infection.

**/ / / Base Camp \ \ \**

Jim groaned and pushed the last of the dead branches down the cliff at the other end of the beach area to where Spock was resting. Then he looked at the variety of what he hoped were non-poisonous fruits and vegetables and nuts that he had found. The air was getting even colder and the sun was getting close to the horizon. He sighed and braced himself before he took off his shirt and tied the wrist and neck holes closed so that he could put all of the things he had collected into it for the treacherous journey down the cliff. He sat down and shuffled down the cliff – carrying the food and trying to decide if he should move Spock before or after he'd set up the fire.

When he'd made it to the Vulcan he looked down at Spock and wondered if this was what a Healing Trance looked like – Spock looked more relaxed that he did even in sleep but Jim could see that he was breathing. And anything that left Spock comfortable at the moment was good as far as Jim was concerned so he set himself to trekking to the cave and then collecting all of the wood and large leaves that he had thrown over the cliff. He built a fire in one of the many dips in the rock floor and then finished organising the cave to make it as comfortable for Spock as possible.

_Five Months and Twenty-Eight Days Ago…  
"Spock?" Jim asked as they walked off the bridge._

_"Yes, Captain?"_

_"Would you care to join me for dinner in my ready room this evening?"_

_Spock titled his head. "By evening you mean?"_

_"Two hours from now."_

_"If you are amenable to extending the start time by thirty minutes I will be finished my meditation and therefore able to attend."_

_"Deal, see you in two and a half hours, Spock."_

_"Yes, captain."_

_Jim's hands trailed very softly over Spock's material covered arm and then he moved away – striding purposefully._

_Two hours later, he stepped out of his shower and dressed for his first official date with Spock. He tidied up the room and then moved all the PADDs off his desk. He had had his Yeoman change the sheets on his bed because he didn't want to presume but he also liked to be prepared. He thought Spock would understand the logic in a decision like that._

_Exactly one-hundred and fifty minutes after he had walked away from Spock, the Vulcan rang his room's intercom asking to be let in._

_Kirk smoothed down his non-regulation jumper and walked over to the door. Spock stepped in and the door closed behind him. Kirk held up two fingers, offering his hand for a Vulcan kiss and Spock met him eagerly – pressing his fingers firmly and catching Kirk off guard. Jim recovered and matched Spock's pressure._

_"Would you enjoy a human kiss?" Spock asked._

_Jim jerked with surprise. "I didn't think that Vulcans liked doing that."_

_"I am not all Vulcans," Spock said. "Did you believe that entering into a relationship with me would mean that you would have to give up the human methods of showing affection?"_

_Jim shrugged awkwardly. "I thought I would have to shift my expectations of what affection was."_

_"Then we should discuss what we are both comfortable with when it comes to affection, after we share a human kiss."_

_"Okay," Jim agreed, stepping into Spock's space and leaning forward. Spock met him and pressed his lips to Jim's. It surprised Jim that the Vulcan's lips were cool to the touch – he knew that Vulcan body temperature was higher than that of a human but Spock's lips were cool as they applied just the right amount of pressure against his. Jim couldn't resist opening his mouth just a little, swiping his tongue tentatively across Spock's bottom lip. Spock met him and suddenly the kiss was something else for a moment and Spock had Jim pressed into his own door. Moments later it was over and Jim was left swaying and wanting back what he'd had mere seconds before. Spock's ears were green at the tips as he stared at Jim._

_They sat down and discussed their expectations for affection which it seemed to Jim boiled down to – not in public, not outside of our quarters, not in front of the crew, unless the situation called for it. Jim could live with that but… "Does that mean I can't touch you in public anymore?"_

_"Negative," Spock said firmly. "However limiting it to affection like that which you displayed as we were leaving the bridge would be greatly appreciated."_

_"So the occasional Vulcan kiss that no one would recognise would be acceptable."_

_"Negative," Spock said. "Touch and kissing are two different things."_

_"Okay, can we do some more of that kissing now?"_

_"Affirmative."_

_Jim grinned and stood up, coming around to sit next to Spock and lean over to press his lips to the Vulcan's._

Now…  
Jim looked around the area and nodded – it was the best he could do. He had collected as much snow as he could reasonably carry down the incline and he hoped between that and the fluid within the fruits they would be able to survive until the Enterprise found them.

He had laid out an arrow of green branches that would direct any rescue mission to the beach and to them. He knew his crew would be coming for them so he just needed to look after Spock until then.

**/ / / Honesty \ \ \**

"Slap me," Spock demanded.

Jim hauled back his hand and slapped Spock as hard as he could. Spock immediately opened his eyes and looked up at Jim.

"Jim," Spock said, lips quirking.

"I've got us all set up," Kirk said, carding sweaty fingers through Spock's hair. Spock leaned into the touch and the press of Jim from the contact. He felt his shields faltering and felt sluggish as he tried to reinforce them.

"Spock?" Jim's hand settled firmly on Spock's left cheek. "What's wrong?"

"I find myself struggling to reinstate the mental barriers I utilise in human company."

Spock felt the flash of pain and hurt and _ME_ before Jim pulled away.

"I'm sorry," Jim said. "I won't touch you."

"You misunderstand me," Spock said. "I do not dislike your touch, or the press of your mind to mine, the problem is that I enjoy it too much."

"What?" Jim asked confused.

"I find your mind alluring," Spock told him simply. "I find the press of it when we kiss and when we engage in coitus to be very tempting and I struggle to maintain a logical distance from you at these times."

"Why do you need to be distant?"

"Because we are not yet bonded."

"Do you want us to be bonded?"

"Yes."

"Oh," Jim sat down on the sand next to Spock and sighed. "You've never said anything."

"I am aware that commitment is a trigger of fear and disbelief for you, Jim," Spock said. "And therefore I have been waiting until you gave me some signal that you were ready for another step in our relationship."

"And I've given it to you?"

"No," Spock said. "I have been affected by something on this planet and it has removed my ability to erect suitable shields against psychic information and my brain's ability to filter thoughts and speech."

"So you're being forced to tell the truth?"

"That is not an accurate rephrasing of what I said however it is as true as any other statement you could make about my current predicament."

"Shit, I'm sorry, I won't ask you anything else, Spock. You should have told me."

"I would not have told you until you asked."

"Why? No, don't answer that, we need to get you into the cave. Do you think you can stand?"

"The wound on my left side has nicked my lumbar artery. It will hurt to move, the probably of loss of consciousness and undoing the damage already fixed during my Healing Trance is at 20.587 per cent. Therefore, I shall need your assistance to stand and to remain ambulatory."

"Then we shouldn't move you."

"Negative, the chance of hypothermia should we remain in the open is 72.569 per cent. Should I be injured in the move I can re-enter a healing trance state. As a human you have no such measures in place. My health is less important than maintaining yours."

"That's not true."

"It is. I am already injured. You are not. Should we both be injured we would have no means of obtaining firewood, or food, or water, nor would we be able to act when the Enterprise returns. It is only through maintaining your health that we can maintain a positive probability of survival until the Enterprise comes for us."

"But I…I can't hurt you more, Spock."

"I know you do not wish to hurt me, Jim, you believe that your life and health is worth less than that of others and I wholeheartedly disagree with this world view you hold. As a result of your belief, I have endeavoured to show you how much your health, well-being, and happiness means to my own well-being. I love you and I wish to show you that you are the most important person in my life."

"I love you too," Jim said and then steeled himself – adopting the look that he used when facing Klingons and any being that threatened his crew. Spock was unsure what that face meant in this situation. "I am scared that you will leave me eventually." Spock reached out and twisted his fingers in Jim's pushing reassurance through their contact because he knew that Jim would not appreciate him disagreeing no matter that he knew he would never, by his own choice, leave the human. "I can feel that…I could hear you in my head telling me you'd never leave me unless I told you to…and even then you'd fight me about it. Is this what happens when you don't have shields."

Spock let his fingers slacken but did not pull away – he was happy to let James have all of him even if he had not planned to overload him.

"I prefer this," Jim told him. "I'm sorry you felt you couldn't tell me how you were feeling."

"I do not have any regrets. I am happy to make any and all allowances needed to maintain the efficacy of this relationship for both of us. We both need to have our needs met and you are meeting the needs I have at this juncture of our relationship. As it progresses my needs will change but I was, and am, happy to give you time to accept that I am none of the beings you have known before."

"I know you are not any of those beings," Jim said, tightening his fingers. "You have proven that to me time and again, that is not what scares me."

"I am always available to listen to any fears you may have."

Jim nodded. "But I wonder if this would work." He closed his eyes and focussed on the way he felt about Spock, the worry he had about being left, the fact he was just as scared of his feelings as he was of being alone. He thought on everything he wished he could say to Spock but didn't have the words for so he pushed them towards Spock's mind and hoped that they made it through whatever connection currently existed between them. Spock tightened his hand and yanked Jim down, pressing his ice cold lips to Jim's warm ones.

**/ / / Moving \ \ \**

Jim pulled away slowly. "So, that worked then?"

"It did," Spock told him. "We should move into the cave."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I will need your assistance to get to my feet."

"Right," Jim stood up and braced himself. He helped Spock to sit, then to turn and get to his knees before he took most of Spock's weight and helped him to his feet. Jim got his shoulders under Spock's right arm and they started trekking towards the cave.

_Four months and fourteen days ago…  
Spock let himself into Jim's quarters as he had been ordered to do. They had spent forty of the last forty-five days together when neither were on the bridge or attending to other duties. Thirty-nine days prior they had started platonically sleeping in the same bed during their rest cycle and Spock had only been in his own quarters to change clothes and meditate over the last twenty-eight days. He was very gratified by the progress his relationship with Jim was taking. _

_"Hey Spock," Kirk said, holding out one hand, two fingers spread, as he kept tapping at a PADD. Spock pressed his fingers against Kirk's enjoying the spike of feeling from the human and the comfort that caused him to feel._

_"I believe that it is now well known among the crew that we are sharing quarters." Spock said as he pulled away._

_"We aren't sharing quarters," Jim said automatically._

_Spock inclined his head and noted that Jim was still uncomfortable with that level of commitment. "What are you currently working on, Jim?"_

_"Just checking over Scotty's latest upgrade requests. I like to say yes to at least thirty per cent of his requests."_

_"I have noticed. Shall I organise dinner?"_

_"Nah, I promised Bones I'd have dinner with him so I thought we could go down to the galley tonight, is that okay? He only called about ten minutes ago."_

_"That is amenable to me. I thought to offer tonight as a viable option for us to begin engaging in coitus but perhaps we should pick another time – I do not wish to diminish your time with other members of your friendship networks."_

_Jim dropped the PADD. "You wanted to have sex tonight?"_

_"Affirmative."_

_"I'll cancel on Bones now."_

_"That is not required."_

_"It is," Jim said firmly, he called Bones and told him he'd gotten a better offer, and then joined Spock in the bedroom._

Now…  
They walked into the cave and Jim was sweating. He settled Spock on some of the leaves he had thrown down hoping they would cushion the Vulcan. When he straightened and could see Spock properly he realised how terrible the Vulcan looked – an odd colourless green that didn't sit well with Jim at all.

"Do you need to go back into another Healing Trance?"

Spock nodded. "I do however I do not need to do so immediately."

"I think you should. I'll watch over you."

"You need to rest as well."

"I'll rest when you are awake."

"I will meditate," Spock said. "I have not done any damage to the repairs made in my previous Healing Trance. While I meditate I would be alert enough to warn you of danger. When you have rested I will enter a Healing Trance."

"No," Jim said firmly. "I'm okay."

Spock reached out and held Jim's hand. "Please sleep." He tugged Jim down and the human laid down next to Spock, resting his head on the Vulcan's right shoulder. The fire burned next to them – piled high with sticks to hopefully last.

"I don't need to," Jim argued.

"But I need you to," Spock said. "I will meditate. I have done no damage to my body in moving to the cave."

"Is touching okay?" Kirk asked, sinking into the ground now that he was down.

"Yes," Spock assured him, leaning his head down and pressing his lips to Jim's forehead. "Sleep."

Jim was going to argue…right up until the moment he fell asleep.

**/ / / Meditation \ \ \**

Spock's senses were full of Jim. It was perfect. He closed his eyes and checked his injuries from feet to head – there was more blood seeping from the injury on his leg but other than that there was nothing but pain that had changed. He knew that any extra pain was a direct result of moving. He breathed slowly enjoying the beat of Jim's heart so close and the slight brush of the human's mind. He had learned through proximity to his Captain that human brains stopped projecting during sleep – unless they were having an especially vicious nightmare. They became a calm brush of unconsciousness – like the sleep machines he had seen some human's use.

Spock set his breathing to the rhythm of Jim's heartbeat and found himself slipping into meditation more easily than he would have predicted.

_Two months ago…  
Someone knocked on Spock's door. He rose from his chair and walked towards the door. Jim was standing on the other side – looking vaguely unsure of himself. It was not a look that Spock was familiar with. _

_"Am I interrupting?"_

_"I am currently checking reports from the science team. It is not urgent at this moment."_

_"Can I come in?"_

_Spock stepped to the side. "You may."_

_Jim walked in, his fingers not trailing along Spock's which was unusual. Spock tilted his head, observing Jim more closely to try to deduce what problem his Captain and boyfriend was bringing to him. He could not deduce it._

_"Something is bothering you, Jim."_

_"No."_

_"I can offer you four examples of behaviour that contradicts that information."_

_"Are you coming over tonight?"_

_"I had intended to join you in your quarters after your fitness session with Lieutenant Sulu."_

_"Good, good, I was thinking that maybe you'd like to bring a spare uniform for tomorrow."_

_"I can do that, Captain."_

_"Then you won't have to return to your quarters for a shower in the morning."_

_"That is true."_

_"And if you wanted, you could do that any time you are visiting me."_

_"If you are comfortable with that."_

_"I'm suggesting it."_

_Spock inclined his head. "Then, if you are finished with your session with Lieutenant Sulu, I can accompany you back to your quarters now."_

_Jim looked around the room. "Unless…do you want to stay here instead."_

_"I do not believe you would find my quarters as comfortable as your own."_

_"But you spend all of your time in mine and they can't be that comfortable for you."_

_"Negative, I find your quarters quite suitable for sleep and coitus."_

_"Then why do you think I wouldn't find yours the same."_

_"Because in my experience humans do not find comfort in Vulcan furnishings."_

_"Can't I be the judge of that?"_

_Spock looked at Jim for 5.36 seconds and then nodded. "Yes, Jim, you may. Would you care to return to your quarters and obtain clothing for tomorrow?"_

_"Yeah, I'll be back in a few."_

_"The door will be unlocked, please let yourself in."_

_"Thanks."_

_Spock watched Jim leave and then turned and rearranged his top drawer to give Jim space to put his clothes. Then he respaced his clothing in the built-in closet and placed two hangers in the space created so that Jim also had the option to hang his uniform if he wanted to. That evening they ate dinner in Spock's quarters and then, once they had both enjoyed a vigorous round of coitus, they slept._

Now…  
Kirk stirred next to Spock, waking slowly, and stretching before he turned his head into the Vulcan's neck. "Spock?"

"Jim."

Jim opened his eyes and sighed and then stiffened. "I slept."

"Yes – for 9.45 hours."

Jim sat up. "You shouldn't have let me sleep for so long."

"Negative," Spock told him, reaching out a hand to curl his fingers around Jim's bicep muscle group. "I have been meditating."

Jim frowned at him. "I thought you couldn't meditate in a room with a being that wasn't also meditating."

"I have never had any success meditating with a non-Vulcan being in the room with me. When I was a child I had to ask my mother to leave the meditation room while my father and I were meditating. He, being a full Vulcan, had more control and could meditate while I was learning control and with my mother in the room."

"Then why could you meditate when I was basically using you as a pillow?"

Spock was unsure himself why it had been so easy to meditate with a human lying next to him. "I have no explanation for you, Jim, it should not have been possible for me to meditate. However, I was able to use your breathing as a focal point while I was meditating which allowed me to remain in deep meditation for 90.25 per cent of the time that you were asleep."

"I'm glad, even if you don't know why."

"When we return to the Enterprise and my health is returned to its optimal levels I would like to propose a trial so that I may test the effectiveness of meditation when in your presence."

"You want to try and meditate with me in the room on the Enterprise?"

"I prefer to spend my evenings with you over spending them with others, or spending them alone, and if I could meditate in your presence I would not have to retreat to my own quarters except during those times when you require privacy."

"I thought you enjoyed the time when you were able to be alone," Jim said.

"I prefer your company."

"I prefer your company too, Spock."

"That is gratifying."

Jim smiled at him and then leaned over and pressed a kiss to his lips.

**/ / / Spock \ \ \**

"Do you think you can eat?" Jim asked. "I hope it's not going to affect you more than whatever has removed your brain-mouth filter."

"The K'ly'hi process," Spock said. "Meaning the issue is probably in the Balik portion of my brain." Spock looked at the fruit. "I have my scanner in my pack so we may check the fruit for suitability as a food source."

"You have your scanner?"

"Of course," Spock said. "I was going on an away mission with you. I always pack prepared to keep you alive should any unfortunate circumstances befall us."

"I could have taken it with me when I collected the fruit," Jim said, as he reached into Spock's shoulder pack and pulled out his scanner and then his medical scanner. "You're got a bio-scanner as well."

"Yes," Spock agreed.

"Why didn't you say anything before?"

"I am unsure."

Jim stiffened in front of Spock.

"I believe there is now an imbalance between us," Spock said, not concerned that he had not thought to share that information with Jim. "You have given me a glimpse into your feelings and yet I have not done the same for you. I wish to offer you reciprocation."

"No."

Spock tilted his head at Jim in question. "You do not wish to know the extent of my feelings for you?"

"Not like this," Jim said, turning around and scanning the fruit first to see if they were harmful to Vulcan physiology and then to human. "Here, you can eat these."

Spock accepted the fruit and bit into it – it tasted like a Vulcan fruit he remembered from childhood. He could not remember its name – he knew that should worry him.

"I'm going to scan you after we eat and see what's wrong with you," Jim said. "Do you need to go back into a healing trance?"

"I am no longer losing blood," Spock told him. "I do not require another healing trance. It would result in me being unable to provide you with company."

"I'm not worried about company," Jim said, smoothing a hand down Spock's cheek.

Spock leaned into the touch and the feeling of Jim's mind brushing against his own. "I find your mind fascinating."

"You can't normally feel me when I touch you."

"That is not true," Spock said, looking up at Jim with a look that made Jim's chest tighten. "I often lower my shields slightly when you touch me because I find the brush of your brain to be fascinating, alluring, and very tempting. I always wish that we were bonded completely so that I could feel you at all times and you would be able to tell that I am never going to leave you."

Jim pulled away. "You don't want to tell me all of this."

"That is illogical."

"How?" Jim asked, standing and walking to the mouth of the cave and then back. "Your K'ly'hi process has been disrupted by something on this planet and you have never mentioned us being bonded before.

"Because I have been making sure that I do not rush you. You are human, I am Vulcan, we have different societal expectations for relationships."

"And what are the Vulcan societal expectations for relationships?"

"It depends on the bond. At the age of seven after a formal selection process I was bonded to a Vulcan named T'Pring. This bond is the beginning of any Vulcan relationship – it provides stability through the juvenile years and provides access to your future bondmate. T'Pring blocked our bond for much of our time as a bonded pair. I hypothesised she intended to challenge the bond so that she could enter into a marriage bond with Stonn – a Vulcan who bullied me extensively when I was a juvenile. She and Stonn had been involved in a sexual relationship since before I left for Starfleet."

"She cheated on you?"

"Negative," Spock said. "Until such a time as the bond is fully matured both parties are free to involve themselves with other Vulcans…or other species."

"How is the bond fully matured?"

"Plak tow."

"I don't know what that means."

"Blood fever – a full mental bond ending in sexual congress and resulting in the full marriage bond."

"But you no longer have a bond with her?"

"Affirmative, she died with Vulcan, and was one of the thirty-seven bonds that were severed with my mother's."

"Thirty-seven?"

Spock inclined his head. "All familial bonds, with the exception of my father's, were severed."

"That must have been crippling, losing your mum was bad enough but all of those bonds. I'm so sorry for taking advantage of your emotional compromise…even more so now."

Spock reached out a hand and Jim strode over, twinning their fingers together without thinking about the shields that Spock hadn't re-enacted. He was hit with a wave of gratitude and love from the Vulcan.

"You did the right thing, I was following the logical path and should it have come to its inevitable end I would have lost the last links to my heritage with the destruction of Earth as well as Vulcan."

"But-"

"No," Spock said firmly. "We would not currently be in a relationship, we would not have saved the population of Earth, we would not have stopped Nero, nor would we currently be traversing space making scientific discoveries and diplomatic connections and you would not know how very important you are to me and the future of Starfleet."

Jim was flooded with the belief that Spock had in his words.

"If a Vulcan is not bonded at the age of seven," Spock continued, "or if the bond is broken, or if another bondmate is chosen."

"Like your parents?"

"Affirmative, my father was bonded to a Vulcan female prior to my mother."

"And that's how you have a brother."

"Yes, following her death my father applied for the Ambassadorship to Earth and met my mother. Following a courtship, they entered into a basic marriage bond. Then, after their formal decision to marry and my Father's Time their bond was cemented into a full marriage bond. This is the progress I would suggest for us when the time comes."

"You want to marry me."

"Yes."

"Yes? No affirmative, just yes?"

"Yes," Spock said again and Jim could feel it this time, the desire for the bond that Spock had talked about. He squeezed Spock's hand and then pulled away.

"I'm going to check the water that's melted from the snow. I don't know how I'm going to get it to you but you need some water. Was the fruit okay?"

"It was very pleasant, perhaps if you were to trek back to the forest knowing I am now more stable than I was yesterday you would be able to locate something that would be useful and will provide you time to think on what I have just explained to you."

"I don't need time…there was nothing wrong with what you just explained to me. I knew that Vulcan's had bondmates and I knew that we were in a serious committed relationship and I hoped that you would want it to continue on."

"Continue is different to commitment," Spock pointed out.

Jim nodded. "I should check and see if there is any indication of the Enterprise and see if I can contact someone from higher ground. I will take the scanner with me."

"While you are gone I shall meditate."

Jim made the trek back up the cliff and walked towards the forest thinking about what Spock had told him. He didn't understand why Spock would want that from him – he knew Spock had feelings for him – they were in a relationship, they had sacrificed themselves for one another on more than one occasion.

The part that worried him was that he wanted it. He wanted everything that Spock was offering – forever and bonded and knowing what the other person was feeling and being able to share his thoughts…except that also terrified him because then Spock wouldn't just know him like he did now, he would _know_ him. He would know all of the parts of Jim that he hid from everyone, the parts of him he was ashamed of and then he wouldn't want to be bonded to Jim anymore and he would lose Spock. He didn't want to lose Spock. He wanted to grow old and grey with Spock until the other man looked like his alternate reality counterpart.

He was torn between how much he wanted Spock and how terrified that made him.

He'd been able to pretend before that they were just dating, they were maybe even going slow except he'd been in love with Spock before they started dating and even though they had moved through relationship milestones slowly it didn't change the fact that they had been incredibly invested in their relationship from the very first Vulcan kiss. Spock had allowed him to pretend as well by going through their entire relationship at Jim's pace. He hadn't even realised that Spock was doing that until now. Spock was supplanting his wants to fit himself about Jim's issues and eventually he'd get sick of that.

He and Uhura hadn't worked out and she was so much less…emotionally complicated that Jim was. She was a much more sensible choice for Spock than he was and they hadn't worked out…and he didn't know why. He had never wanted to know what happened between them because he preferred to think that Spock had never kissed anyone else like he kissed him and he preferred to pretend he'd never wasted time on anyone else when Spock would have been a trip to Vulcan away. Which he also knew was ridiculous because he was aware that all of those other experiences and relationships got them to this point.

And he knew all of this now because Spock was compromised. Jim grabbed the leaves and fruits he'd collected and stomped back towards the cliff and Spock so he could yell at the Vulcan for not telling Jim that he needed more from him. Jim would have given it to him; he'd give him anything he needed.

**/ / / What We Do Not Speak About \ \ \**

Spock heard Jim coming; he hadn't been able to settle into his normal meditation patterns. His K'ly'hi process was obviously not the only thing affected by this planet. He saw no value in attempting to work out the cause of his malady as there was no way to remove himself from an environmental factor.

"Spock!" Jim said, stomping into the cave. "I got some leaves and I think we can use them to get you water."

Spock tilted his head at Jim, unsure as to why the discovery of leaves that would make their time stranded on this planet easier would annoy the human so badly.

"Here," Jim said, holding the leaf out to Spock. "Do you want me to prop you up?"

"Negative, I am able to prop my own body up."

Spock did just that, used his elbows to raise the height of his head so that he could drink the water from the leaf that Jim gave him. He could survive without food and water for much longer than Jim would be able to but he knew that suggesting Jim drink first would not be received well by the human.

"Do you want more?"

"You have not had any water since we arrived on this planet."

"I drank some when I was in the forest yesterday and when I was there today."

"I am worried that you will take care of me to the detriment of your own health and well-being."

"Me, you're worried I am going to ignore my needs for you? You're worried about that?"

"Yes," Spock said. "However, from your tone and the way you asked the question I assume that you do not find this to be a reasonable concern for me to have."

"You have been ignoring the needs you have for the last six months while we've been in a relationship to worry about my needs. You have run our whole relationship at my speed and you did it without even asking me. And then I realised you never would have told me if we had not have gotten stranded on this planet and your K'ly'hi process were not affected."

"You believe that I have not had my needs met by our relationship?"

"Well, we don't have a mental bond and you said it increases your mental stability to have a bond and you don't have one with me."

"Mental bonds do increase the mental stability of the Vulcan mind but following the destruction of Vulcan every member of my race undertook a process of healing with an Elder and initiated a number of weak but valuable bonds to stabilise our minds."

"That's good. But you broke up with Uhura and you lost that bond and you lost the bond with T-Pring and you don't have a bond with me and you never even told me that you wanted one with me until you had no choice but to tell me because you can't hide anything from me on this planet."

"I never had a bond with Nyota; I never desired a bond with Uhura which only became an issue when T'Pring died. It was the beginning of the demise of our relationship – it became obvious to us both that without the barrier of T'Pring between us there was a gap between what we both wanted from a relationship and the practicalities of the relationship between human and Vulcan. I cared for Nyota but it was never with the depth that I care for you. With you I would bond our minds together permanently and until we did so I would bask in any moments when our minds were joined in a meld."

"Oh."

"I did lose the bond with T'Pring and three different Vulcan females who had also lost their bondmates offered to bond with me. I do not want another bond with someone who I do not love and want to spend my life with. Those bonds would have been only for my Time and the possibility of true companionship like that which you and I share would not have been possible."

"Oh."

"And I have chosen to pace my requests on you and our relationship on a mutually beneficial timeline. As I am sure you have done."

"So, you haven't been holding yourself back for my benefit?"

"I have been using your reactions to moderate my behaviour as is expected in a relationship. If I did not consider your feelings, reactions, and behaviour in making my decisions and advances then we would not still be in a mutually beneficial romantic relationship."

Jim sighed and nodded. "That's logical."

"I am a Vulcan."

"But, I still don't like the idea that you are doing all of this for me and taking into account all of my issues and hang-ups and I'm not doing anything for you."

"There will come a Time when I will ask as much of you as you could ever ask of me," Spock said.

"What are you talking about?"

"It is Our Time. Something no Vulcan speaks of."

"I don't want to ask you something you don't want to tell me," Jim said, sitting back.

"This is the best time for us to speak of what Vulcans do not speak of as this is likely to be the only time I am able to speak of it freely. Even during my time I will be hesitant to tell you all about my needs and your part in it."

Jim reached out and ran his hand down Spock's cloth-covered arm. "I will listen to anything you want to tell me but I don't want you to regret telling me when we're off this planet and your normal Vulcan stoicism is back."

"I have already told you that I wish to bond with you. If we were to be bonded there is nothing I would hide from you…except in situations where surprise is worth the act of hiding things from you."

"Like?"

"Christmas presents…I have always given my mother a Christmas present in deference to her enjoyment of my observing a part of our shared cultural heritage. I have also obtained a present for you in preparation for you giving me one. If you did not, I planned to keep it hidden until your birthday."

"I've got you a Christmas present as well but I wasn't sure if you would find it illogical."

"It is logical to observe the cultural celebrations of your significant other."

Jim smiled and dropped his hand down to twin his fingers with Spock's. "I will observe all Vulcan cultural celebrations as well."

Spock inclined his head in response. "We do not have any celebrations like Christmas."

"Well I am very happy to stand or kneel or sit and remain as stoic as possible for any event you would like."

"I appreciate that," Spock said. "I believe I should now explain to your m Time as I know you do not enjoy being given only half the information."

"I'm ready to listen."

Spock outlined his Time, what would come with _Pon Farr_ and the _Plak Tow_.

_One Month Ago…  
"Captain," Spock said, walking into Kirk's Ready Room._

_"Come in, Commander."_

_Spock walked in and settled into parade rest in front of Kirk's desk._

_"What can I do for you, Spock?"_

_"I have a request for Shore Leave in three point four months."_

_"You're taking Shore Leave?"_

_"I have received a request from my Father to visit New Vulcan to attend the Official Opening of the New VSA and participate in a short-term science exchange with one of their experiment teams. They are furthering the discoveries that I made on the walking fish of Likit IV and their ability to regenerate limbs. The team will also be investigating the starfish of Earth."_

_"Starfish?"_

_"Yes."_

_"No scientific name?"_

_"I am willing to list the child taxa and orders of the starfish family."_

_Kirk smiled at him. "So, your Dad wants you to visit?"_

_"He has forwarded a formal request to Starfleet Command, however, I wanted to inform you of this request personally."_

_"Thank you for that."_

_"It is not a visit for my Father it will be a diplomatic mission for the Enterprise. They would appreciate your presence at the opening. The request is for me to remain on New Vulcan for one standard week to be part of the scientific team."_

_"But you will be visiting your Dad?"_

_"Yes."_

_"And…" Kirk stopped when the signal that he had a transmission from the Bridge came through. "Sorry, just give me a sec…Kirk."_

_"Captain, I have a message from Admiral Komack."_

_"Thank you, Lieutenant Uhura."_

_Spock stepped back._

_"Don't go," Kirk said._

_He hit the button to listen to the message and found, as he suspected, that it was about the mission to New Vulcan. However, Admiral Komack was suggesting the Enterprise remained above New Vulcan for the entirety of Spock's week there to partake in Shore Leave – providing the Vulcan people with interstellar tourist traffic and a boost to their finances. It was a necessary evil for the suddenly decimated and rebuilding race._

_"Well," Kirk said, smiling. "Now you don't need to use your Shore Leave for this."_

_"What other purpose could I have for my accumulated Shore Leave?"_

_"A holiday with me?"_

_"That is a preferable use of my leave time to spending it alone at one of the normal Shore Leave destinations."_

_"But not better than a scientific week at the New VSA?"_

_"I did not say that."_

_"But?"_

_"I would prefer to spend time with you than with most of my peers however I find this scientific proposal to be fascinating."_

_"Maybe if we're above Vulcan you can stay on the ship instead of me missing you…except I don't want to stop you from hanging out with your father."_

_"My Father has requested a meal with you and I so that he may meet you as my boyfriend."_

_Kirk smiled and then the expression dropped off his face. "He wants to meet me?"_

_"Affirmative."_

_"I made a terrible impression the first time he saw me."_

_"He saw you making a command decision to protect the Earth. He saw me failing to control my emotions following the destruction of Vulcan. He sees the logic of your actions."_

_"But I used your Mum against you."_

_"He does not hold grudges – there is no logic to the action. He knows that we are in a romantically committed relationship. Do you not wish to meet my father?"_

_"I'm worried about meeting your Dad again."_

_"It is illogical – my feelings for you and intentions for our relationship will not be affected by my father. This is an opportunity to introduce you both given our new relationship paradigm. I would be gratified if you were able to attend this meal."_

_"Of course I will, I'd love to meet your Dad again and I will make a better impression this time."_

_"It is unnecessary but I am confident in your ability to do so."_

_"Thank you. And you will help me?"_

_"I will provide as much assistance as you require as always."_

_"Thank you."_

_"Would you be amenable to a chess match in the Officer's Recreation Room Beta this evening?"_

_"Sounds good, there is also a movie in the Viewing Room tonight, we could watch that after the chess game."_

_"It is a date. I shall visit your quarters at 1800 hours so we may travel together."_

Now…  
"I can't believe that Vulcans have managed to keep all of this so quiet."

"We do not speak of it openly even amongst ourselves – it is information passed from parent to child and then not discussed again until our Time. It would be illogical to allow other species to know about something that we keep private."

"I shouldn't be surprised; you're Vulcans – you know how to keep secrets."

"I wish to spend my Pon Farr with no one but you," Spock said.

Jim smiled. "I want to spend your Pon Farr with you as well."

"It shall be a drain upon you both mentally and physically."

"And there is no one else that can ignite your blood like I will."

"I do not understand."

"Blood Fever…I am going to start a fever in your blood."

Spock stared at Jim with silent Vulcan judgement.

"You love me."

"I do," Spock agreed, "and my Blood with yearn for no one but you during my Time."

Jim leaned over and kissed Spock.

**/ / / Healing Trance \ \ \**

"Do you want some more water?"

Spock drank more water, and then settled back on the floor breathing heavily. Jim stared at him for several long minutes.

"Spock," Jim said firmly. "I want you to go back into a Healing Trance."

"Jim?"

"You're looking green – and I know you're a Vulcan and the copper-rich blood means that you are more likely to be green tinged than humans."

"I assume you are using the human colloquialism for looking unwell."

"No, I mean you are pale and green and I want you to enter a Healing Trance before you pass out."

"I cannot sense any issues with my body that would result in loss of normal skin tone."

Kirk frowned down at him. "Blood loss?"

"That is a logical hypothesis."

"Then you'll go back into a Healing Trance?"

"Negative," Spock said. "If I were to enter the Trance you would be alone on an alien planet. With the exception of waking me, the only way for you to have contact with me would be to enter into a shallow meld with me."

"Really?"

"To which part of my speech are you asking for confirmation?"

"I can meld with you during your Healing Trance if I need to check on you?"

"Affirmative."

"And that wouldn't be inappropriate?"

"I have given you permission, and I hope to have made it clear that I would always welcome your mind touching mine. However, you have also shown an aversion to melding with me."

Jim wasn't actually averse to melding with Spock but he had no desire to take advantage of the Vulcan when his mental processes were obviously so compromised. "I would be willing to do so should you be in a Healing Trance. I am not averse, Spock, it is simply something we must discuss when we are both on the Enterprise; not here and not lost."

"I shall show you how to contact me within the Healing Trance. In a Healing Trance my body focusses a majority of our energy to the processes of healing. We have the ability to take resources from other areas of our bodies and directing them to fix damage. To wake me you would do so as you did before. But to contact me, to check on me as you said, you would put your fingers here on my meld points."

Jim followed Spock's instructions on where to put his fingers. "So, I touch you and then what?"

"When you touch me here I will be able to sense you and we will be able to communicate even when I am in the deepest of Healing Trances."

"Do you need to eat when you're in the Healing Trance?"

"Negative."

"What do you need when you're in a Healing Trance?"

"Nothing," Spock said, reaching two fingers out. Jim automatically matched him.

"I will keep you safe so you can get better," Jim told him.

"I trust you with my safety in all situations," Spock said, then he pulled away, wriggled in a very Vulcan manner, and closed his eyes. "I will see you soon, Jim, I love you."

Jim felt the same flutter of pleasure he felt every time Spock said that to him. "I love you too, Spock."

Spock's lips twitched into a half-smile…a disturbing grin on his face, and then smoothed out. Jim wasn't sure how long it would take Spock to slip into the Healing Trance but he sat and watched the Vulcan until long after he was sure that Spock had no idea he was still next to him.

_One month ago…  
Kirk sank back into his chair and smiled over at Spock. He winked at him in encouragement as Spock lifted the lyre and strummed it a few times. Uhura settled next to Spock and they started their concert. Jim caught himself staring at Spock's long fingers as he strummed the lyre's strings. He shifted in his seat remembering the way that Spock's fingers felt on him. He really didn't think that watching Spock play a concert with his ex-girlfriend would be one of those moments when he wanted to rip off his boyfriend's clothes and get carnal regardless of how fast the crew could get out of the room. _

_He'd felt that way on the bridge, in the science labs…though one of those times he'd actually attempted to drag Spock down to the floor of the science lab. Spock had refused but had agreed to return to Jim's quarters immediately. Jim knew he couldn't drag Spock away from the concert even if he was growing uncomfortably warm. Jim sat through the rest of the concert, and the party afterwards for exactly thirty minutes and then he walked to Spock's side._

_"Captain," Spock said, turning to face him._

_"Jim," he corrected._

_Spock stared at him for a moment and Jim could feel his pulse beating at the base of his neck under Spock's scrutiny._

_"We shall go now," Spock said and turned towards the door._

_Jim put his drink down on the way out of the door and smiled as he followed Spock – he couldn't help but love how Spock had been able to tell exactly what Jim wanted. He loved pretty much everything about Spock, he thought to himself as he watched the flex of Spock's arse as he walked. Spock pressed Jim into the wall next to his door as soon as they were locked into the privacy of his cabin._

_"Spock," Jim said breathlessly. "One day you're going to have to play just for me…naked."_

_"No, Jim, it would be illogical to play a string instrument when I am naked."_

_"Is it also illogical to find you playing an instrument incredibly sexy?"_

_"Sexual desires are never illogical – they are a product of our sexual identity."_

_"Then it's not illogical for you to play the lyre in the nude because it's part of my sexual identity."_

_Spock yanked Jim up and into his arms, Jim wrapped his legs around Spock, and the Vulcan walked them to the bed._

_Later, curled in bed, still damp from the shower, Jim stroked the cool skin of Spock's shoulder blade and thought about the overwhelming desire to find a pen and write his name on Spock's skin. The desire to do something to try and alter Spock like he felt altered by Spock. Jim had never been good at this but Spock made him feel like he could do this…like even if Jim messed it all up Spock would understand and read him like he had in the Recreation Deck. He didn't feel like he could even hold it in anymore, like he might burst if he didn't do something. He didn't want to move though – he didn't want to dislodge Spock. But he needed to do something. He needed to do everything. He needed to…_

_"I love you," Jim whispered._

_"As I love you," Spock responded without pause. He kissed Jim on the forehead and returned his head to its place – tucked into Jim's neck._

_"That was easier than I thought it would be," Jim told him._

_"I am pleased, I have loved you since prior to asking for a romantic relationship. It is gratifying to have now expressed that to you."_

_"That long?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Then why didn't you tell me?"_

_"Have I not expressed my regard through my actions?"_

_Jim thought for a moment and then nodded. "Of course you have."_

_"As have you," Spock told him. "Goodnight, Jim."_

_Jim smiled and twinned his fingers with Spock's. "Goodnight, Spock."_

Now…  
Kirk watched over Spock for a whole day while Spock didn't move, didn't do anything but breath shallowly. After the sun came up for the second time since Spock had slipping into the Healing Trance, Kirk couldn't resist anymore. He reached out and pressed his fingers to Spock's meld points. He closed his eyes and suddenly he felt like he was enveloped in Spock.

::James?::

::Spock, are you okay?::

::It has been a full day since I entered the trance?::

::Yeah, I was getting worried about you.::

::I am currently focussing my body's energies on healing the wound on my side.::

Spock showed Jim how he was focussed on the torn muscle, the broken capillaries, and the ruptured arteries. Jim felt queasy with such an intimate picture of the injury.

::My apologies, James, I assure you I am not critically injured.::

::Should I leave you alone then?::

::I would welcome your presence if you wished to remain in the meld.::

Jim stayed with Spock for a long while, falling asleep with his head on Spock's shoulder. Sometime while he slept, his fingers fell away from Spock's head and Spock woke next to him.

**/ / / A Name? \ \ \**

"Spock?" Jim said when he woke up to find Spock staring down at him. "How are you awake?"

"I woke up as if from sleep."

"Why?"

"I did not want to lose our bond when you broke the meld in your sleep. It roused me out of the Healing Trance."

"I'm sorry," Jim said, sitting up. He spotted the dark stain of drool on Spock's shirt and had to hold in a groan.

"It is not a problem," Spock said. "In fact it is the opposite of a problem."

"What?"

"Our meld provided me with fascinating insight into our compatibility."

"I don't understand."

"Our minds are uniquely compatible, Jim."

"Really?" Jim couldn't ignore the how hearing that made him feel – the light bubble of joy and hope and love.

"Affirmative, your mind was a balm to mine that I did not know I required. I did not want to lose the connection between us."

"That sounds…I didn't want to break the meld either," Jim admitted.

"That is indicative of the bond I could see between us."

"What type of bond?"

"I believe in the human vernacular it is called soulmates."

"You're my soulmate?"

"That which humans call soul we call _katra_ and our _katras_ are compatible in a way that is the pinnacle of all bonds within Vulcan culture."

"If we call it soulmate, what do you call it?"

"T'hy'la," Spock said, stroking his fingers down the side of Jim's face where so recently he had been melded with his t'hy'la.

"What is that?"

"Friend, brother, lover, it is the bond to which all warrior Vulcan once aspired. It is the bond that we could share. It is uncommon among my people now."

"And you think we could have a bond like that?"

Spock nodded.

Jim smiled down at him and leaned forward to kiss Spock. "That sounds like a very nice bond."

"You have no idea of the depth of bond we shall one day share."

Jim's chest felt tight and hot with the way that Spock was looking at him. "Do you think you should return to your Healing Trance?"

"I do not need to."

"You do," Jim said, reaching up to press his palm to the side of Spock's face and thinking about nothing but his worry for Spock.

"It would provide you with reassurance if I were to return to the Healing Trance?"

Jim nodded.

"Then I shall."

"Good."

Jim pulled back and watched Spock for a few minutes before he stood up to walk out of the cave. He sat down in the icy wet sand and breathed slowly. He knew that Spock was compromised at the moment and he probably didn't mean what he had said. The problem was…Jim wanted it to be real. He wanted some bond unlike any other with Spock and he had to remind himself that the likelihood of Spock still wanting this when they were rescued wasn't definite. He shook himself and strode down the beach, then back to Spock – checking on the Vulcan before going for a series of short walks down the beach and back to the cave.

As the sun went down he walked back to the cave and sat down next to Spock, watching the Vulcan.

**/ / / Rescued \ \ \**

Jim was shocked awake. He could hear voices and he wasn't sure if they were in his dream or from outside. He sat up and looked over at Spock who was still out. He stood up and walked out of the cave – the sounds growing louder until he was standing on the beach and could hear his name yelled.

"Chekov!" Kirk responded and started moving across the beach and heading for the cliff.

"Keptin?" Chekov yelled again, his voice getting closer.

"I'm down here!" Jim yelled, he started up the path. "Be careful there is a sudden drop."

"Keptin," Chekov yelled from just above him.

Jim looked up and spotted Chekov and Cupcake staring down at him.

"Where is Commander Spock?" Chekov asked, taking a step towards the trail down the cliff but Cupcake reached out and stopped him.

"He's in a cave – we're going to need to be transported from there if we can."

Cupcake sat down at the top of the cliff with an eye roll that even Jim could see and started scrambling down the cliff. "Ensign, contact the Ship and lock them onto my signal and my two spare transporter tags."

"I can come down and help," Chekov argued. "I am Russian, we are born in snow – it makes us strong."

Jim bit the inside of his cheek and stood back. "You're in charge of beaming us up, Chekov."

"I shall keep you both safe, Keptin," Chekov said, turning and rushing back to the rest of the Enterprise search party.

Cupcake finished moving down the incline and stood up, brushing off his backside. "Where is Commander Spock?"

"This way," Jim said, leading Cupcake across the beach and to the cave. "He's in a Healing Trance."

"Will we transport him like that?"

"No," Jim shook his head. "I'll wake him for the transport."

Jim led Cupcake into the cave. "Do you think we'll need to move him out of the cave before we transport?"

"Not sure."

"Check with Scotty. I assume he's in the Transporter room?"

"For days."

"I'm going to need to make sure that the crew rests if you've all been working overtime to rescue us."

Cupcake nodded. "I think that would be appreciated."

Jim knelled down next to Spock and pulled back, slapping Spock roughly on the cheek.

"What are you doing!" Cupcake yelled.

Jim turned around. "This is what you do to wake a Vulcan from a Healing Trance."

Cupcake looked sceptical but he nodded. "We need to leave the cave – I can't get a communicator signal."

Jim slapped Spock again and the Vulcan opened his eyes.

"Jim?"

"We're rescued; we need to get you up so they can transport us back to the Enterprise."

Spock looked past Jim and inclined his head. "Lieutenant Hendorff."

"Commander, do you require assistance?"

"Yes."

Cupcake walked around to Spock's other side and between them they got him to his feet. They supported him as they stumbled out of the cave.

"How did you locate us, Lieutenant?"

"They can tell us all about it when you're healed," Jim jumped in.

They moved slightly down the beach and stopped. Jim took most of Spock's weight while Cupcake put transporter beacons on both of their shirts.

"He could tell me now."

"No, your only focus at the moment is to get better. You can dissect the rescue mission when you're completely healed."

"I have no plans to dissect anything."

"Scotty," Cupcake called into his Communicator. "Three to beam up."

"Three to beam up," Scotty responded and the transporter lights flashed.

They arrived on the Transporter Pad and Chekov rushed over to them. "Let me help, Captain."

"Get him on the bio-bed," Bones barked out.

Jim lowered Spock onto the bio-bed with help from the Chekov and Gomez – one of the emergency medical staff. He stepped over to McCoy and pulled the doctor to the side.

"There is something wrong with Spock."

McCoy glared down at Kirk. "I was trying to scan him to see where his injuries were."

"I'm not talking about his body," Jim said. "There is something wrong with his personality and mind – something on that planet affected him and he couldn't stop himself from saying things he wouldn't normally say. Then he'd forget things – we had basically the same conversation twice."

McCoy's frown deepened and he turned around to the orderlies standing behind him. "Get Spock to the Medical Bay immediately and hook him up to the psionic and biometric readers. Get Chapel to run his last set of scans and check his mind before you worry about his physical wounds and wake M'Benga – I'm going to need him."

The two orderlies nodded and rushed out of the room with Spock between them.

"What about you?" Jim asked. "You should be there."

"I will be there, Jim," MCCoy said, raising his scanner and pointing it at Kirk. "But, first I'm going to check you out and then drag you to the Medical Bay so I can hook you up to a scanner as well."

"I'm fine."

"You've been stuck on an unknown planet for seven days with unusual food and water – I assume you've been eating and drinking."

Jim nodded.

"You can walk," McCoy concluded, he grabbed Kirk's arm and started marching towards the Medical Bay. "Sulu is Captain at the moment, the ships fine, the Admiralty know we have found you by now. The diplomatic mission had been postponed as a result of your disappearance. There is absolutely no excuse you can use that will stop me from taking you to Med Bay and giving you a full, and thorough, medical."

"Spock is more important."

McCoy huffed and kept marching Kirk through the halls.

"Bones?"

"I'm not letting you go to your quarters, you can't go and check on Scotty, there are no reports to write, or anything else for you to do."

"That's not what I was going to say."

"What is it Jim?"

"What do you know about Mind Melds and Vulcan Marriage bonds?"

McCoy stopped and stared at Jim. "He finally told you he wanted to bond with you?"

"You knew?"

"I'm a Doctor, your Chief Medical Officer – I know the mating habits and physiology of all of the major races within the Federation, I've studied Medicine for twelve years, you think I don't know when a damned illogical Vulcan is in love with my best friend, or do you think I don't know that Spock is like lobsters of old?"

"Lobsters?"

"Aquatic animal – people used to eat them for their meat. They were known to only mate once."

"Vulcans mate more than once," Kirk argued. "Spock's father had a bondmate before Amanda."

"Spock isn't his father."

"This isn't what I was trying to talk about."

"So, Spock didn't let it slip that he wants to make you his bondmate when he lost his brain-mouth filter?"

"K'ly'hi process," Jim offered.

"I know the name of the damned process."

"He did."

"And now you're freaking out over the commitment?"

"No."

McCoy stared at him. "You want to bond with him."

"Yes."

"But you're still freaking out."

Jim shook his head and started walking, dragging Bones behind him. Bones let go of his arm and walked next to his Captain as they rushed towards the Med Bay.

**/ / / Bones, Our Saviour \ \ \**

"Chapel?" Bones said, pushing Jim towards a bio-bed and hooking him up to the scanners. "How's Spock?"

"We're still running tests," Christine told him. "I can take care of Captain Kirk if you want to assess Spock for yourself."

"Yes, Jim will just complain the whole time I'm checking him over that I'm not looking after the damned Vulcan."

Christine cocked an eyebrow at him. He waved her over and strode over to Spock.

"You're dehydrated, Captain, and you have had how much sleep since you were stranded on that planet?" Christine asked him, hitting the bio-bed controls and flicking through his readings.

"Spock was hurt," Jim explained. "Bones, how is he?"

"I am adequate, Captain," Spock said.

"I know, Spock, but I want to know what Bones has to say."

"Rehydrate Jim," Bones said. "Then sedate him."

"I don't need to be sedated," Jim argued.

"Don't argue with me, Jim, I'm the damned doctor here and you need a good night's sleep and I know you won't have it while Spock's on this bed so we're going to knock you out."

"No, you are not," Jim said, pushing himself up and glaring at Bones.

"I am a Doctor," Bones said, turning around and staring Jim down. "You need rest and in my medical opinion that means sedating you so that you get some damned rest."

Jim sighed and flopped back onto the bio-bed. "Fine."

When Jim woke up the Med-Bay was dark. "Bones?"

"Here," Bones said quietly, standing and looking down at Jim. "You slept for hours after we stopped the sedative."

"I didn't get much sleep down there," Jim admitted. "I needed to watch over Spock."

"I know, you love the damn hobgoblin."

"You like him too."

Bones huffed at him.

"How is he?"

"Sedated and in quarantine," Bones said. "He's not contagious but we needed to control the atmosphere to remove the toxin from his body."

"What was the toxin?"

"Theobromine."

"The active ingredient in chocolate?"

"A different isotope, but yes."

Jim struggled up, feeling rested when he expected to feel sluggish; he must have slept after the sedative wore off.

"He has three fracture ribs, a cerebral hematoma, two nicked arteries in his side, along with a range of contusions and damage down his left side and leg. He healed some of the injuries on the planet in the Healing Trances."

"I made him," Jim said. "He didn't want to leave me alone."

"So, you made him and you didn't sleep."

Jim shrugged.

"His body was flooded with theobromine and he will be detoxing for the next twelve hours."

"Isn't theobromine the stuff that makes Vulcan's drunk?"

"Yes, it's what would have caused the abnormal behaviour – he would have been very honest, a little dopey, like a drunk teenager I would imagine."

"And would he have made stuff up like a drunk teenager?"

"Made up what?"

"He said he wanted to bond with me."

Bones stared at Jim. "You really don't see it, of course you don't see it, more baggage than a long-haul passenger ship headed to the Eryn system."

"See what?"

"That he's completely Vulcan-gone about you. You died and he lost his Vulcan-mind trying to get his pound of flesh out of Khan – the only thing that stopped him was the knowledge that I could bring you back using Khan's blood. He is in love with you and he's a Vulcan; of course he wants to bond with you."

"What do you think?"

"That he's a Vulcan and you're out of your mind to want to tie yourself to one of those illogical bastards except that he will give you something you need."

"What's that?"

"Permanent proof that he loves you and isn't going anywhere."

"Through the bond."

"Through the bond," Bones confirmed. "And through his actions. I never thought I'd see a Vulcan show how he felt like Spock does with you."

"He isn't obvious."

"He is to the people watching and half of your damn fool crew is watching."

"He said a lot of things on that planet that he has never hinted at before."

"Maybe you weren't paying attention, maybe you didn't want to be paying attention."

"Do you think I've been that bad a boyfriend?"

"No, you're not listening."

"I haven't been paying attention to him, you just said that."

"And he hasn't told you, plainly and simply, he hadn't told you until that planet."

"So?"

"So now you have all of the information…what are you going to do, Jim?"

"What do you think I should do?"

Bones stood up. "You can decide the fate of the ship, you can make decisions to attack or flee but ask you to make a decision about the Vulcan you love and you're asking for my help? I'm divorced, my wife took everything, she ruined me and I let her, and now you're asking for my help."

"Yes."

Bones rolled his eyes. "You don't need my help – you already know what you're going to do. And I need some damned sleep, you can't leave until lunchtime. Don't even think about sneaking off."

Jim watched Bones walk into his office – he knew the doctor had a bed in there and had slept on it more than he slept in his quarters. Jim stared up at the ceiling and thought about what Bones had said to him. And then he started to plan.

**/ / / Christmas Present \ \ \**

Spock turned from his meditation mat when his door chime sounded. He was not expecting anyone, meaning that the chances of the visitor coming to ask his assistance with a problem was 32.56 per cent. Spock could only be relieved that he was not being interrupted in the middle of his meditation.

"Jim?" Spock was surprised, but pleased, to see Jim.

"Hey Spock."

"Something is wrong with you," Spock said. "Your forehead shows signed of perspiration and I am unaware of you sparring with any crewmember in the time since we left the Bridge."

"I'm nervous."

"About?"

"Your Christmas present."

"I do not understand."

"May I come in?"

"Of course." Spock stepped aside and let Jim into his quarters. Jim walked all the way to the desk and then turned around.

"I have a present for you."

"It is December 29th, Christmas was four days ago – you gave me a pre-reformation Lirpa."

"I know but I had to make sure you were okay before I offered you your other gift."

"Okay?"

"Healthy, well, your normal self."

"I see, my body, mind, and senses and back to optimal working status."

"Good."

There was silence for three point seven minutes while Jim looked around the room and Spock stared at him.

"I wondered if you would like to participate in a Christmas tradition with me," Jim said.

"I would be gratified to be included in any tradition you hold important."

Jim smiled. "When I was a kid my mother was never home for Christmas – too close to my Dad's birthday and then it was mine only three months later so she was gone from November to June almost every year. We lived with my Uncle Frank – he was Dad's brother. Right bastard who thought we were weak but had this lady friend and he spent a lot of time there. He'd spend Christmas with us because it was 'expected' but before or after he'd go off on his normal nights with her. That was when Sam and I would celebrate Christmas. Mum sent us a little money and we'd horde some until Christmas time. Then Sam would sneak out and buy us something special to eat and we would watch my Dad's favourite movie. Uncle Frank let slip about it one night when he was drunk. Sam and I still do it when we get together, though that hasn't happened in a while, but I still do it every Christmas and I wanted to ask you to watch them with me."

"I would be honoured to partake in this tradition with you," Spock said.

"Full disclosure, there are about seventeen movies in the whole series but we only have to watch the first three."

"Do you normally watch all seventeen?"

"Affirmative," Jim said, lifting his eyebrows with the hint of a smile.

"Then we shall watch all of them together."

"Thank you," Jim said, letting out a deep breath.

"Is this the gift you wish to give me?"

"You think inviting you to watch a movie from the late 20th Century with me is a reasonable gift?"

"It is gifting me with a part of your past and something deeply personal."

Jim smiled at him, and then blurted. "I wanted to offer you a mind meld."

Spock stepped forward, wanting nothing more than to enter Jim's mind immediately. But he stopped himself after one step and looked at Jim carefully. "I do not understand."

"You told me on that planet that you like my mind. You told me you want to bond with me. You told me that you thought we were soulmates and that you couldn't see a future where you would leave me."

"Affirmative."

"Is it all still true?"

"Affirmative."

"You don't regret saying those things to me?"

"I could never regret the truth, and what I spoke was the truth, the only negative ramifications could come from your response to my comments."

"I liked your comments – I like that you want forever with me."

"Then allow me to reiterate my desire to bond with you and to share my mind and body with you until the end of our days."

"I want that too, but I'm…I'm not…I want to offer you my brain as a Christmas present."

"Your anxiety in offering me this opportunity undermines your statement."

"I'm not sure if you will want my gift."

"I do. I desire a meeting of our minds most ardently."

"My mind isn't a place that you should be though," Jim said. "It's a place with bad memories and horrible experiences. It's a pit of my insecurities and every bad thought I have. It's the dark and terrible place that I never wanted anyone to see. And I don't want to force it on you, Spock. I love you too much to want you to see something so beneath you and I love you enough to want to give you every part of me."

"I do not believe your mind to be as dark as you suppose. You are not dark – you are James Tiberius Kirk and nothing I have yet learned about you could alter my affection for you."

Jim smiled and looked at him, finally looking him in the eye. "Then I'm offering you a meld, our minds touching, one of those early bonds that lead to marriage eventually. I want that with you."

"I almost gratified to be offered so much by you."

"Then how do we do this?"

"As you are human, the most sensible location would be the bed. Shall we move to your quarters as they are more comfortable?"

"And, if you are still interested after you've seen my brain I think we should move in together."

"I shall contact the Quartermaster immediately."

"No," Jim said, "after, after you've seen my mind."

"I do not need to see your mind to know I shall not change mine. I will move in with you."

"I can move in here."

"It would be illogical to go from the Captain's quarters to the First Officer's quarters. There is more space in your quarters and there is the option of additional space in the storage bulkhead should we need it."

"So, if you want to move in after the mind meld you can move into my quarters."

"I shall plan it tomorrow during my time preceding breakfast."

"You mean when you are showering and getting dressed?"

"Affirmative," Spock said. "We shall need to discuss the equitable division of space in the storage compartments. I suggest, before I make my own plans, we have that discussion."

"Or," Jim said, sliding closer to Spock. "You bring all of your stuff to our room and you get half of everything and then we'll organise Frank from Maintenance to come down and knock as many nails into the walls as are needed for your Vulcan artefacts. Then we just need to find you a place to meditate."

"Your plan is feasible, though it lacks some structure."

"We'll work that out together – we've got a lot of practise coming up with plans on the fly."

"I think this plan should be thought out rather than 'made on the fly' however, I defer to your knowledge about such things. I have never cohabitated with a non-family member before."

"Really? What about at the Academy?"

"I am a Vulcan and Starfleet Academy's Inclusion Policy recognising that Vulcans do not share accommodation with non-family members."

"Then I shouldn't be asking you to move in with me, should I?"

"Negative, we are in a relationship and living with you is a choice I have made freely."

"But only if you still want to after the mind meld."

**/ / / Mind Meld \ \ \**

Spock's eyes narrowed slightly. "Computer, lights off in ten seconds."

"Confirmed, Commander Spock," Computer responded.

"Spock?"

"We are going to your quarters," Spock said, striding towards the door.

Jim followed him and the lights turned off just before the doors closed behind him. "Should we have dinner first?"

"Negative, it is best to eat following the Mind Meld. You have not participated in a Mind Meld before."

"Actually," Jim said. "The other Spock melded with me when we first met."

Spock stopped, frozen, in the middle of the hallway but just as Jim reached a hand out to him he nodded and kept walking.

"Spock?"

"It will not be a shock to you then that emotional transference can be a side effect."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"I am operating optimally."

Spock stepped to the side at Jim's door and Jim opened it and stepped inside. Spock followed him in.

"Computer, unless Yellow Alert is reached Captain Kirk and I are not to be disturbed until further notice."

"Acknowledged, Commander Spock."

"How do we do this?" Jim asked.

"We do not need to Meld immediately.

"I'd like to," Jim said, thinking about how nervous he was and knowing that doing it sooner rather than later would make the nerves go away. Jumping in was always better than waiting and wondering.

"Very well," Spock said. "We should remove our shoes and change into our sleeping clothes. It will be the most comfortable for us both."

"Okay," Jim said, dropping down to take off his shoes and then moving around the room to change, sliding his clothes into the laundry chute. He thought about the possibility that this could be how he would always change – with Spock moving around behind him and carefully folding his meditation… "Spock, did I interrupt your meditation?"

"Negative, I had not yet started."

"Shit, do you want to meditate before we do this? I wasn't trying to-"

Spock held up a hand to silence Jim. "A Mind Meld with you, especially our first, given as a gift, is more important than my meditations."

Jim's skin turned a strangely ruddy colour and Spock was unsure as to why. But the human shook himself and climbed onto the bed. He smiled at Spock when he was settled and patted the mattress next to him.

Spock pulled his sleeping shirt on and settled on the bed next to Jim. "Lights, 5%."

The lights immediately dimmed and Spock ran a hand down Jim's arm from shoulder to hand. Jim turned his hand around and pressed two fingers to Spock's.

"We do not need to rush into anything, Captain."

Jim leaned forward and kissed Spock's mouth, while his fingers caressed the Vulcan's. "Have you let your shields down this time?"

"Yes," Spock said, almost breathless with the want hitting him.

"Then you know I want to kiss you," Jim kissed him again. "And I want you inside of my brain."

"And inside of your body," Spock let out on a breath.

"That too," Jim confirmed.

"You found your importance over my meditation to be arousing."

"I find any sign that I am important to you to be arousing."

Spock's free hand lifted to rest against Jim's face, his fingers pressing into the meld points. "Put your fingers on my face in the same locations."

Jim did as he was instructed and felt his fingers tingling already.

"And repeat with me…my mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts."

"My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts."

The sudden rush of **Spock** was almost overwhelming, and it would have been if not for the warmth, love, concern…feeling that came with it.

::Spock?::

::James::

::This is…a meld?::

::Affirmative:: and then Spock pushed forward memories of his mother – when he was three, sitting beneath an artificial green tree with a bowl of glass Christmas balls in front of him. He was threading hooks onto each ball before he handed them to his mother. She would smile down at him as she took each ball – before she hung it up on the tree. Then it moved to Spock sitting in the middle of an energy field covered garden – green all around him as he read leaning back on a giant beast with large tusks.

::I'Chaya, my pet Sehlat::

::Your pet?::

::Would you care to see more?::

::Yes.::

And then Spock laid himself bare to Jim and the human had no need for explanations because he saw himself, standing next to Spock, remembering all that the Vulcan had known. He loved the journey through Spock's memories – even when they hurt like the memory of the bullying Spock received from his peers at school. He wanted to go back in time and protect Spock. He startled when he felt Spock's answering gratification.

::You could feel that?::

::I could, as you feel what I do; I feel what you do.::

::Feel?::

::Vulcans feel just as deeply as humans, as you should know of me, my love of you matches your love of me,:: Jim was hit with the wave of Spock's love and it was almost as overwhelming as the love he had for Spock. ::We control our emotions, hold them in check, but that does not mean we do not feel – only that we have control of them.::

::Unlike us humans who are ruled by them?:: Jim could feel his humour radiating out from his mind.

::Precisely, and yet your mind is a comforting place, and I wish to remain with your always.::

::You haven't really seen my mind yet.::

Spock enveloped Jim and asked to see something. Jim thought of the day he had destroyed his father's car – the memory of Frank calling him nothing, not even worthy of touching 'his' car but Jim knew that the car was really his and Sam's and it had made so much sense at the time to go out and show Frank that he could do whatever he wanted…that he was not no one…that he had power. But the memory got away from him and he remembered what had come later, when his mother returned, when she found out, when she realised what Frank was doing to her children while she was away. Sam had asked to go away to school but Jim hadn't been old enough so his mother had sent him to Tarsus IV – just until her contract was over…and then…Jim tried to stop the memories but he had no control over them – he never had any control over these memories. They rolled over him, crushing him under the remembered pain, the hunger, the way that Kodos had chosen those who could live – the way people had died in front of him from death squads and hunger. Then suddenly they were sitting beneath a bright sky, the land around them red and barren.

::Spock?::

::I would share everything with you, James, but I could never ask you to relive something so horrific. I could assist you in blocking those memories if you would choose that.::

::No, I hate those memories but they remind me of the importance of life, and the horror that can be inflicted when we think we have the right to choose who can live and who should die.::

::A wise choice and illogically I still would be appreciative if I could protect you.::

Jim pushed his own feelings back at Spock. Spock next to him wrapped an arm around his back, pulling Jim into his body.

::We do not need to share any more memories, a Meld can simply be this – us together and sharing comfort through moments that are painful."

::Could we just stay here, like this for a while?::

::For as long as you wish.::

Jim sank into the comfort of Spock's mental presence and they stayed there, not speaking but connected, until Jim fell asleep within the meld and Spock gently released him. He felt the loss of Jim's mind immediately and wished he had been illogical and selfish and kept their meld going until morning. He shook himself and used his moment of emotional instability to remind himself that meditation was needed after their first meld, as he would need meditation after each one until he and Jim were properly bonded and their minds synced to one another. He did not wish to leave Jim's embrace and, quite illogically, chose now as the perfect time to see if he could meditate next to Jim like he had on Iklitä IV. He closed his eyes and allowed his mind to settle, Jim's presence surrounding him, as he focussed his mind within and meditated.

**/ / / Christmas Epilogue \ \ \**

Jim woke up to the smell of bacon. He could tell Spock wasn't in bed with him so he opened his eyes and sat up to find the Vulcan placing two plates down on the table.

"Spock?"

"Good morning, Jim, Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas."

"I checked the computer and last year at Christmas you ate this for your breakfast."

"I did," Jim said, yawning and climbing out of bed. He pulled on a pair of soft pants and realised as they settled around his hips that they were Spock's but he didn't bother to look for his own.

"I did not know which movie series you intended for us to watch, however, I have swapped my Bridge shift today with Lieutenant Jacobs. Today is your rest day therefore we have thirty-eight hours before either of us needs to be on duty."

"Thirty-eight hours?"

Spock inclined his head in confirmation.

"This is better than December 25th already."

"I am gratified to hear your thoughts on my plans thus far."

"Thus far?"

"I have contacted the Quartermaster and notified her of our decision to co-habitat. I have also contacted my father with the news – he expressed his support of our union and this next step in the relationship."

Jim stepped into Spock's space. "You've had a busy morning already."

"Last night I achieved a meditative state as you slept following our Meld," Spock told him. "I do not wish to spend time alone when I could be with you instead. You asked me to move in, I have accepted, when our thirty-eight hour Christmas is over I intend to ensure that our plans are completed swiftly."

"Why don't we steal a couple of hours of this thirty-eight and move the essentials over. Then everything else can be moved when you're ready."

Spock stared at Jim for a beat and then nodded. "I am amenable to that plan. Following breakfast we shall visit my quarters and pack the essentials. I calculate that it will take 1 hour and thirty-four minutes alone and 1 hour and seven minutes together."

"Together," Jim said, sitting down at the table.

Spock sat opposite him and they ate. After they had eaten, they collected the essential items from Spock's quarters unpacked them in their shared quarters. When Spock had unpacked they settled on Jim's couch and started the first movie. By the time the large yellow writing had finished scrawling across the screen Jim was curled into Spock's side, fingers twisted in the Vulcan's, as he pushed his joy though the touch. Spock returned his feelings with his own one of contentment and love.

**The End**


End file.
